We all would like to be loved and have compassion shown to us but how often do we do that for ourselves?  In this article, I'll be exploring self-compassion and self-love and how both can enrich your life.

Phrases such as “you must love yourself before expecting to love you”, “you've got to love yourself first” I've been expressed Countless times and in many articles. Whilst it may sound like you've heard it all before there is a reason that these phrases are said and still resonate  The idea of self-love may come across as corny to some and narcissistic to others. Practising self-love is neither of these things. Developing love for ourselves enables us to thrive in so many ways. Loving ourselves is necessary for our well being. The same can be said for creating self-compassion.

People who able to practice self-love and self-compassion are more resilient, less prone to anxiety and stress and have improved health outcomes.

Across psychological research self-love and self-compassion can sometimes be used interchangeably, However, there are some subtle differences.

What is self-love?

…self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth” (Khoshaba, 2012).[1] 

Researchers, such as Germer and Neff[2], have linked three main elements to self-compassion:

[1] https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-self-love/

[2] https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Germer-Neff-JCP-2013-SC-ClinPracticefinal.pdf

Review of the year

The great pause

The pandemic

Covid -19

Pivoting

2020 bought new words into our everyday use and changed how we live our lives in many ways.

My year started with death and grief and I've lost count the amount of times I've given condolences to people this year.

This year showed me how to use what I knew more than the decade before. It showed me:

• How to work with uncertainty.
• How to use my strengths.
• How to face so many challenges.
• How to deal with loss and grief and trauma,
• To step into myself and my purpose
• To speak my truth and take charge of my outcomes.

2020 for me has been a year of so much change and growth - some of it very painful.

But I can truly say I'm grateful to have had the year I've had.

I've made so many amazing connections and developed friendships, which probably would not have happened if it hadn't been for the pandemic.

I've also managed to help so many women with stress and burnout by sharing my story, helped women hit their goals, pivot their businesses and been there to support their transformation and change.

I've given a lot for free and held out my hand to those who needed it.

There have been so many people who have held my hand too and believe me, there have been many days when I needed it.

I am thankful for all the people I've worked with me this year, who have listened to me speak, invited me to share with their audiences, given me support and made me laugh.

Thank you to all that have been part on this incredible journey.

I am walking into 2021 changed, with intention, open and wearing my crown.

How will you walk into the New Year?

PS I've opened the doors to my group programme waiting list!

Why clarity is the key to success

We all make plans - given unplanned and unprecedented experiences we've had during 2020 we might think that there's no space for plans. If you're looking at how you're going to shape, direct and change the next 12 months writing a plan will help you get there. However, before that process can begin, something that will help you make a difference is having clarity  

The Cambridge English dictionary defines clarity in the following ways:

• The quality of being clear and easy to understand:
• The quality of being easy to see or hear:
• The ability to think clearly and not be confused:

Being able to be clear in your mind what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve this, how you are going to do this and what you are going to do - is an extremely important step.

There are several reasons why we might not feel we have that true clarity.

Owning your story

We all have stories that we tell ourselves and these are our beliefs - the problem is that not all of these stories are true and even worse they may not even be your own story. You may have told yourself that you are no good at public speaking - because of this story that you've told yourself you avoid doing this. If an opportunity arises that may benefit you, your business or your career that involves public speaking you avoid it.

Alternatively, you may have a belief that anyone rich is a bad person, even though financial wealth is important to you, you are conflicted because of your view of what that might mean to you become as a person.

Your mindset is truly powerful and that is what this collection of beliefs and stories are. These stories impact on your choices and your results. Consider what happens when we make plans from a space where we are running negative stories, beliefs and patterns. Getting that clarity on who you are and what is your story is a key step to success

What would happen if you owned your story and understood what it was and let go of stories that don't help you move forward?

Expressing your heart's desire

The first question I ask my clients is ‘what do really you want?’ It's a powerful question simply because so many times people have never actually thought about what they want. The majority of my clients are women and so often with women, the needs of others are put first. The act of permitting yourself to say what's in your heart is liberating, powerful and clarifying. Your current job, your career path or your business model may need to completely change or just might need a tweak in a new direction - however, the actions aren't possible if you haven't started with that clarity on what you truly want.

Freeing your mind

There are so many distractions around us that create mental clutter – this could be is physical clutter that disrupts your mind or devices that interrupt us. The constant bombardment of information into our brain stops us from being able to think clearly. Finding ways to still the mind to allow those thoughts space, helps you get back to clarity. Tools such as breathing techniques, and mindfulness enable you to quickly get rid of the noise and have calm and clarity in your mind.

Connecting

We are not able to achieve what we need in this world on our own. We need to connect with others whether that is colleagues, clients or peers. Once you have the clarity on what it is you want and how you're going to achieve it, finding support to help you and letting people know this is what you're doing, is also important. This is about finding the right people by talking about what it is you need and allowing people to help you and connect you to others. For example, deciding to do work in an industry where you can see how your skills can transfer but you have not yet got the experience. To get the experience you start connecting with people in the industry, finding out more and explaining what it is you're looking for and how you might fit.

Being visible

Alongside connecting with others, being visible means that the right people see and hear you and understand how you fit into the solution that they need. Thinking about your career, you understood now that you wish to move to a certain Department. You start speaking to the people in that Department, you look at how you can transfer there or work on a project so that you can connect and showcase what you can do. You find a way to network with the key people who can make decisions - this doesn't mean changing your personality it just means creating a strategy. However, without that clarity and knowing that you want to be seen and heard you would not make these moves.

Clarity is the first part of everything that I work with when I support my clients because it is the first step to creating change. Your planning from a place of power, of knowing, and of strength when you have clarity.

Do you have clarity?

If you would like your internal story to be different and you're ready to have clarity and calmness in your mind, get in touch if you are high achieving women and see how I can support you.

Photo by Wonderlane on Unsplash.

Want more clarity? Ditch the clutter

I have a confession to make. I'm not the tidiest of people. I often work on multiple projects and have a range of files around me all the time. I do this, so that I remember that something needs my attention – however, it turns out all those files are not helping my productivity after all!

As more and more of us are based at home, how we manage our environments becomes even more crucial especially as it can have a real impact on our wellbeing. Roster et al define clutter as “an overabundance of material possessions that collectively create disorderly and chaotic home environments”[1] In this article I outline the key reasons to ditch the clutter in your life and create calm instead of chaos.

Raises cortisol levels

Cortisol is the stress hormone and the alarm system for your body designed to help you in fight or flight mode. Having a lot of things around you can raise cortisol levels and cause you to feel more stressed. Items around you are reminders of things left undone, which can also contribute to high-stress levels. There is an impact on women as women, it seems, are more affected by clutter

Dust!

I'm not one for ornaments, as I have no fondness of dust or dusting. A good reason not to have so much stuff around is to avoid issues with dust. Dust can impact allergies and too many items around make it hard to clean!

Brain overload

We tend to overload our brains when there are lots of things around us. The brain is taking in all that information, all the time. There is an impact on how well you can think because of all the clutter as lots of items around you interrupt your flow.

Lack of wellbeing and weight gain

There are numerous studies that link clutter to feelings of wellbeing – clutter can impact your happiness![2] How you feel about your home and not wanting to be in that space has also been linked to weight gain and unhealthy eating. When a place is cluttered you eat more.

Stops us connecting

Too much clutter stops us connecting with others. As one study found, it's harder for us to read emotional expressions when we've got too many other stimuli around us.

Impacts your short-term memory

Clutter affects short-term memory as well as slows down our brains when processing information.

There are a wealth of reasons why we should ditch the clutter if we truly want to get clarity, improve our wellbeing, happiness and even our weight.

Read to ditch the clutter?

[1]DarkSideofHome_JEP_Final2016.pdf

[2] The-Negative-Side-of-Office-Clutter-Impact-on-Work-Related-Well-Being-and-Job-Satisfaction.pdf